Dreams

"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams." ~Eleanor Roosevelt

I've always been a dreamer, since I was a little toddler. My Mom always encouraged make-believe play, and I was usually pretending I was a teacher, a post office clerk, zookeeper, or photographer. 

When my brother was born I knew I had a playmate. When we were young, we'd get on the floatie in my grandmother's pool and take turns playing Taxi driver. I always drove him to the hair salon where I'd then become the hair stylist and cut his hair, using the pool water to "wash" and then my fingers to "cut". 

Both of my grandmothers and my Mom would play kitchen with me. I'd take their order, run into the kitchen, grab some Tupperware, make some pretend spaghetti and serve it to them. They were horrible customers! "Mine is too hot." "No no, I wanted water not tea!" "Oh I don't like this, give me some Alfredo instead" and I'd run off to the kitchen, changing drink orders, making new food, grabbing extra napkins and doing it all over again. This would go on for over an hour. They'd wear me out, but they taught me to dream. 

My Dad always had his Canon around his neck. I don't remember the model, but I remember the strap. It was black with dots of red, yellow and orange. It was like suede, I can still feel it in my fingers. Dad had the big flash and extra lenses and I used to love watching him take photographs. My Dad is really my inspiration. I don't think he knows this, I've never told him, but I always wanted to be like him. I wanted to create photographs and have the cool shiny equipment. Someone got me a fisher price play camera when I was about 3. 

I played with it all the time, snapping photos of anything and everything. We had a black and white cat named Pepi. Now, you know those cartoons where the little girl is really mean to the cat wanting to dress him up and give him a bottle? Yep ... that was me, except I'd dress him up to take pretend photos of him. I guess I made an impression on my family, or they just saw how much I enjoyed my camera, because my parents eventually got me a little 110 camera. 

I don't know how much film I cost my parents, but I assure you it was a lot. I took photos of anything and everything below 4 feet. The cat, chair legs, toys, flowers, caterpillas, feet, partial heads, carpet. I still can hear the snap and wind of the old 110. I thought it was the coolest noise and even when there was no film inside I would still take pretend photos. 

This is when I began to have a dream. I dreamed of having a dog and traveling the world. I wanted to go see China, Africa, Italy. My Mom used to get the National Geographic for us, and I wanted to be the photographer who took those photos. I wanted to take pictures of half naked people with weird rings in their noses, or the Pope, or the colorful buildings in Russia. I wanted to capture the world! I used to take my dog, and pretend I was in an air balloon traveling over the entire world in 80 days while taking photographs of everything from above! 

When I got a little older and in middle school I still had that dream. I used to write packing lists of what I would need to take with me on my trips. I would close my eyes and pretend I was seeing the Leaning Towers of Pisa for the first time and how little kids would see my photos in the National Geographic. My cameras received upgrades and for Christmas one year my family gave me a Canon Rebel G II. This was still a film camera, and I took it all over the place my senior year. It became my best friend, and never left my side. 

I remember when I had senior photos taken, they were done outside at a beautiful house. I had never had professional photos taken outside. I was mesmerized by all the equipment. I remember telling the photographers that I was going to be a photographer too. They gave me the "yeah right" face and told me it wasn't a lot of money and I should do something else. I thought they were crazy, how could someone not want to photograph the world as their profession! I wanted to learn more about taking people's photographs outside, and in a professional way, not just as a quick family photo. 

Right out of high school I had the opportunity to work for a studio. I had never done that kind of work before, but I knew it was in me. I had DREAMED about it all my life. It was just handed to me, someone trusted me enough to take photos of people, of people I did't know! It was exhilarating! I wanted to bring in props and add stuff and change backgrounds. I was like a kid in a toy store. I wanted it all, I had so much ambition inside of me. I quickly became studio manager, and was always pushing the envelope a little harder, but to me it was all about taking photographs. It wasn't about connecting to people, it was all technical. Setting up the shot, adding props, getting the lighting just right, then a little girl changed all of that.

I think the defining moment in my career was when I photographed a little girl named Neveah. She came in the studio and looked like a normal 4 year old little girl. Her Mom had dressed her up in a cute dress, she had neatly combed hair, and looked ready for a photo. Her Mom came up to me and was very sweet and relaxed. She told me she wanted to get 4 year old photos taken, and she expected them to look bad. This surprised me, and so I dug a little deeper. After talking to Mom, asking why, she explained that Neveah was autistic and wouldn't look at people, or at the camera. She stared off, and she never ever ever smiled. She said she had been to all the studios around town and they always turned out awful, but she wanted to capture her 4th birthday regardless and she'd just hang another bad photo on the wall. So I got to work, I put Neveah on the table, and I just sat down in front of her and started talking.

I told her what I did, and what I was going to do. I treated her like a normal person. I asked if she was ready to turn the big 4 and if she wanted something special for her birthday. I never grabbed my camera, I just sat next to her. I pulled out my prop basket and started showing her different props. I had flowers, teddy bears, boas, toy cars, and more. There was a cheer leading pom-pom inside, and she grabbed it and started holding it and playing with it. I grabbed my camera and just started to work with her a little bit.

 She started looking at me, I grabbed another pom-pom quickly and started playing back with her, and then the most incredible thing of my career happened. The most beautiful moment I have ever captured. She looked right at me and smiled. Click. She did it again. Click. She let me pose her a different way, take her pom-pom away and play with the one in my hand. She smiled again. Click. They came up on a screen for Mom and Dad to see, and when the first one popped up the Mom started crying. Her and her husband were jumping around and crying in my studio, hugging me and thanking me. They were hugging their daughter, kissing her. At that moment, it became more than just photographing people. I had about 12 good photos of Neveah, each one smiling, looking at the camera. And they were genuine, happy smiles full of joy and for a brief moment, connection. She and I connected, it wasn't the first time I had connected with an autistic child, but it was the most profound. When I put my camera down the Mom hugged me again, still crying tears of joy. She did not have one single photo of Neveah smiling and now she had over 12! This sweet girl actually hugged me goodbye after the family had ordered their photos from me. Mom said they'd always come back to me, they'd never go anywhere else and they'd be back in a week for family photos. 

They left, tears of joy still in their eyes, and a smile on their face. I just thought to myself, "I did that. I have created something that they will cherish forever. Her first smile on camera. I have touched someone forever." My dreamed changed, suddenly I saw myself with my own studio, creating lasting photographs to be cherished a lifetime. Back then I wanted my stuido's name to be SNAP! Photography (thankfully I did not stick with that name!). 

For the next 5 years I have dreamed. I have dreamed that one day I would be able to run my own business, and have my own studio so that I may capture moments like I did for Neveah's family. Dreams do come true, but it takes a lot of work and determination. In January I started Tara Sulman Photography here in Glennville, Georgia. It has been amazing so far, and God has blessed me in amazing ways. Mom and I found a little space off of Barnard St. and May 1st we get the building, and my dreams come true. I will have my own studio. I feel led to do this, it is a passion inside of me so strong it cannot be contained. My family and friends support me so much. I could not do this without them. 

Dreaming is beautiful, and don't ever let someone tell you your dreams are not worth it. If you have a dream, write a list to see what you need to do to make it become a reality, and then start checking the list off one by one. It may take 5 years, it may take 10 years, but your dream is worth it. You are worth it! 

"All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them."      ~Walt Disney